What’s Mine

dark night of the soul (2)

Not a shred of it,

not a single tick

that can take you somewhere,

a there out there where

you can finally live,

breathe deep and free

where you can thrive.

 

You can, nevertheless,

attach yourself

to the power, the blood

the hooves of another

and slide into position

like an inserted paragraph.

 

You can bewitch them with your

warm breath, your barebacked ride,

your sweet care, and they

will never, ever know

that you only mean to have them

so hard, so much

because they would never, ever

let you have you.

 

What we look for, long for, dream of, even strive for outside of ourselves can never be had. No amount of money, time, jobs, relationships, or any other external circumstance can ever really be ours until and unless we are able to match it, mirror for mirror on the inside. The great amorphous they wish to own us–telling us that the only truth is outside of us, the only hope is outside of us–and worse, they tell us that what is inside of us can be assessed and measured by a standard they dictate. They mean for us to reject ourselves in favor of the external…in favor of they.  And when we chase them and their standards, their ideas about us, their money, time, relationships, their acceptance we end up manipulating them, thinking that they have what we need–all the while everything we need is right here inside of us.

© Andrea Mathews 2014

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